Why I Hate Liberals AND Conservatives

By John "Birdman" Bryant


I HATE BOTH LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES, and for one very simple reason: Both of them want to restrict personal freedom by criminalizing various types of behavior which, for all intents and purposes, harm no one except (possibly) those who engage in them.

IN PARTICULAR, liberals want to take away my guns, my property rights, my home school, my cigarettes, my fast foods, my unapproved cancer cure, my Confederate flag, my white-pride sticker, my eagle feathers, my moment of silence, my gas-guzzler, and my big flush toilet.

FURTHERMORE, they want to keep me from talking about (or making jokes about) certain racial or ethnic subjects, force me to race-mix, force me to treat people as equals whether I think they are or not, force me to mix with people who have weird diseases (and keep me from knowing who they are), keep me from getting a job or promotion so that somebody with a different hue or sex behavior can get it, appropriate my tax money for their charities and social engineering schemes, and force me to send my kids to schools I wouldn't send a dog to in order to be indoctrinated in beliefs which are totally opposed to my own.

LIKEWISE, conservatives want to take away my dope, my rock'n'roll, my dirty pictures, my birth-control devices, my abortion doctor, my morning-after pills, my union card, my Harry Potter and evil-lution books, my flag-burning kit, my Third-World friends, my illegitimate kids, and my polygamous wives.

FURTHERMORE, they wish to keep me from engaging in certain forms of intimate behavior in the privacy of my own bedroom, force me to put my life at risk -- and use my taxes for -- various acts of military adventurism and political power-seeking that I do not agree with, and require me to make reverent noises toward various brands of religion that I may or may not happen to believe in.

AND WHAT IS MORE, both liberals AND conservatives want to tax away my bank account, snoop away my privacy, burn my anti-government literature, and terminate my unfiltered Internet connection.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS: The division between liberals and conservatives is just a trap. It's a trap because when we get mad at one of them for taking away one kind of freedom, then we elect the other, who then proceeds to take away another kind of freedom. It is time we recognize that there is no real difference between liberals and conservatives in the way they behave -- they both want to do away with individual freedom so they can rule as they please.

IN CONTRAST to liberals and conservatives, there is one group which supports freedom wholeheartedly -- the libertarians. Isn't it about time we started supporting them?


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