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We Niggers Need Our Sleep: Never delivered before 4pm

A Nigger lady gets on a bus with her baby and puts the bus fee in the cup. The bus driver looks at the lady and says "that is the ugliest baby i have ever seen!" The Nigger gets mad and storms to the back of the bus and sits down. She then tells the man beside her "the bus driver just insulted me and i am very offended!" The man replies, "you shouldnt take that, go give him a piece of your mind!" The Nigger says, "you know, i think i will." Then the man says, "you go give him a piece of your mind, i'll hold your monkey."

How can you spot a cocky nigger hitchhiker?
-- He's the one with racing flames on his shirt sleeves!
How can you spot a cautious nigger hitchhiker?
-- He comes pre-mounted with back-up lights!
How do you confuse a nigger hitchhiker?
-- Throw your truck in reverse!
How do you know you've picked up a polite nigger hitchhiker?
-- He brought his own tow chains!
How do you know that a Texas OTR trucker just picked up a nigger hitchhiker?
-- There's a sticker on the the nigger's ass that says "How's my driving?"

A Negro's body was found on the outskirts of a small Mississippi town. The victim had been bound hand and foot, stabbed seventeen times, and had six bullet wounds in his body. "What's your verdict, sheriff?" asked a reporter. "Worst case of suicide I ever saw!" replied the lawman.

What do they call a Negro nuclear physicist in Alabama?

A Negro civil-rights worker disappeared from a deep Southern town after bringing about registration of large numbers of Negroes. When he failed to show up, it was decided he had been killed and a search was begun. Some days later the searchers located his body at the bottom of a river. Upon retrieving his body they noticed that he was tied and bound with chains and locks. "Look at that damned nigger," said the Sheriff. "He tried to swim across the river with all them chains he stole from the hardware store."

Before his daring escape from prison, a black militant had been photographed from four different angles. The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the country, with orders to notify Washington the moment an arrest was made.
The next day the bureau received a teletype reply from a small Southern town:

Whats the difference between a Nigger and Batman?
Batman can go into town without Robin!

Why do police dogs lick their asses so much?
To get the taste of NIGGER out of their mouths!

Two guys work together - a black guy and a white guy. The black guy notices that the white guy always came to work with a smile on his face. He asks him "Man, how come you come to work with a smile on your face every day?" The white guy replied "That's because I make love to my wife every morning before work." Amazed the black guy asks him how he gets his wife to make love to him every morning. "That's easy," the white guy said. "I just tell her the same poem when I wake up: Blondie, Blondie, eyes so blue, I just love waking up and making love to you!" Well, determined the black guy decides to take his friends advice. The next day the black guy shows up to work all beat to hell - black eyes, broken nose, fat lip... the works. The white guy says, "Man, what happened to you???" The black guy says "I don't know, I went home and tried your advice." "Well, what poem did you tell your wife?" the white guy asked. The black guy replied: "Nappy head, Nappy head, eyes like a frog, If I could roll your fat ass over, I'd do you like a dog!"

What is Harlem's definition of "Relative Humidity"?
The pool of sweat that forms in the small of their sisters back when their doin' her doggie style.

Why do Niggers prefer the doggie style position for lovemaking?
They can both watch Soul Train on TV that way.

How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex?
She locks the car doors.

What do girls from Harlem and bears have in common?
They both suck their paws.

Winner Of The 1999 Miss Africoon Pageant

A Chinese man walks into a bar and after seeing that the bartender is black shouts "Gimme a jigger Nigger". The black man tells him that it wasn't a nice thing to say, and how would he like the same treatment. The Chinese man explains he wouldn't give a shit, so the black man says "Okay, you get behind the bar and we'll try it again." The Chinese man gets behind the bar and the nigger goes outside. After a few seconds the black man comes in and says, "Gimme a drink, Chink". The Chinese man stares at him and says "Fuck off boy, we don't serve niggers in here!"

A Jew, a Hindu and a nigger were driving in the country one night when their car broke down. They walked to a nearby farm house and asked if they could spend the night. The farmer told them yes, but he only had two extra beds but he had a clean barn full of fresh straw and one of them would have to spend the night there.
The Jew said he had spent several years on a kibutz in Israel and sleeping in a barn wouldn't bother him. Out to the barn goes the Jew and everybody else went to bed. Fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the door and there stood the Jew. He said he couldn't sleep in the barn because there was a pig in the barn and his religion forbid it.
The Hindu said no problem, he had grown up in Bombay and he wouldn't have a problem sleeping in a clean barn with a pig. Out to the barn goes the Hindu and everybody else went to bed. Fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the door and there stood the Hindu. He said he couldn't sleep in the barn because there was a cow in the barn and his religion forbid it.
The nigger said no problem, he had grown up in south L.A. and there was no way a pig or a cow was going to keep him from a good nights sleep. Out to the barn goes the nigger and everybody else went to bed. Fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the door and there stood the pig and the cow.

Why do niggers have such flat noses?
When they are born the doctor drops them on the floor, steps on the back of their heads and jerks the tail out.

A white man walks into a pub wearing a button that says, "I Hate Niggers," and sits down at the bar. "Listen, buddy, some people here won't appreciate that button. You'd better take it off," the bartender warns. "I don't care," says the man. "I hate niggers. They're dumb, stupid and smelly! I just hate em!" Shaking his head, the bartender goes to serve another customer. Five minutes later a big black man walks in and sits down next to the man with the button. "Hey," the black man says, seeing the button for the first time. "I don't like that. Take it off, or I'll take it off you!" "Hell no," replies the white man." They're dumb and lazy! I fucking hate them!" "Then'll I'll just have to remove it for you," counters the black man. "Let's go outside." Both men go out to the alley behind the bar, and the nigger whips out a HUGE switchblade! "See, see how stupid you niggers are," the white man chuckles, "bringing a knife to a gunfight!"


To start a hand, click 'New Hand'.
(Dealer stands on 17)
Dealer has
You have

Why did the ape commit suicide?
It learned it might have evolved from the niggers!

Who were the three most famous women in black history?
Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!

What's black and white and red all over?
A nigger and seagul fighting over a french fry on the Jersey shore!

This black man walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow!" says the bartender. "That really is something. Where'd you get it?" "Africa," says the parrot!"

What do you call a nigger boy riding a bike?

A man walked into a NY antique store and saw a fascinating sculpture: a brass rat. He asked the shop-owner the price. "Well," the owner said, "the rat itself is just $75, but you would want the book it comes with, it's very important and costs $200 more." "Well," says the man - "I'll take the rat-I really don't need the book right now."
"Ok, it's your choice, but you'll be back" said the owner, handing the rat to the customer. The customer left and put the rat in the rear window of his small compact. As he drove down the FDR drive past Harlem he saw something amazing. Rats were starting to run after his car. First a few, than more and more, pouring out of buildings, sewers and abandoned lots, a multitude, millions of rats were running after his car, from all sides. Finally they began swarming over the car itself, intent on reaching the brass rat. The driver, fearing for his life pointed the car towards the East River and jumped out. To his amazement, the millions of rats followed the car right into the river and drowned!
The man headed straight back to the antique shop. "I knew you'd be back," said the owner - "I bet you want to buy the book, now, right?" "Fuck the book," said the man - "you got any brass niggers?"

What's tatooed on the inside of every negroe's lip?
Inflate to 50 psi.

What's black and white and red all over?
A Ku Klux Klan house-warming party!

Why do niggers wear high-heeled shoes?
So their knuckles don't scrape the ground!

What do you call a black millionare physicist?

Did you hear about the little black kid who got diarrhea?
He thought he was melting!

Why wouldn't the black guy let his daughter marry the Mexican?
He figured the kids would grow up too lazy to steal.

How do you babysit black kids?
Wet their lips and stick them to the wall.

How do you keep them from jumping on the bed?
Put velcro on the ceiling.

Hear about G.M.'s new nigger Cadillac?
The glove compartment's big enough to hold a watermelon.

Whats the difference between the old nigger mama and an elephant?
Usually about 20 lbs.

What does a 13 year old black girl say when she's having sex?
Get off me Dad, you're squashing my cigarettes.

What do you call a nigger with a pale face?
Down a quart.

What are the 3 things you cannot give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, or a job.

Why does the nigger carry a turd in his wallet?

Why don't nigger girls wear panties when they go out to eat?
It keeps the flies off the pizza.

Why do all niggers go to heaven?
Hey, theres bars to tend and toilets to clean there too!

A white man was walking along the beach one day when he happened upon a bottle. When he opened it, a genie popped out and said, "Hey!" The man replied, "you're a genie, right?"
"Yes," said the occupant of the bottle. "I'm a genie. What about it?" "Well," the man says, "you're supposed to grant me three wishes, right?" "NO!" says the genie. "That ended centuries ago. I don't do that anymore. I'm retired now. Just put me back on the bottle and drop me back on the beach where you found me."
"Awwww..c'mon!" persisted the man. "Grant me a wish!" "Oh...all right!" the genie rolled his eyes. "You get one wish...and ONE WISH ONLY! And it had BETTER be exactly what you want because it WILL come true!"
The man was ecstatic. He scratched his head, thought about it for a while, and finally whispered something in the genie's ear. "Okay," said the genie. "Your wish will come true at nine o' clock tomorrow morning! Now put me back in the bottle!" "Great!" the man said. He put the genie back on the beach and went home. He got a good night's sleep, called his girlfriend and asked her to come over, took a nice long hot shower.....
At exactly 9:00 AM, the doorbell rang. The man opened it to find three Skinheads standing at his door each holding an arm of rope, eyeing him suspiciously. "Tell us," one finally said. "Are you the guy who wanted to be hung like a nigger?"

What did God say when he made the first nigger?
Oh, Shit!

What did the little black kid say when Santa Clause came down the chimney saying, "Ho ho ho!"?
"Where's ma mamma, mutha phucka?"

An out of state hunter walks in to a small diner in Alabama. The waitress seats him and takes his order. She then asked if he was a hunter. The man replied yes I am. After the waitress brought his order she asked if he had shot his two niggers yet. The man was stunned and asked what she was talking about. She then explained that the state legislature decided that there were too many niggers and decided that anyone with a valid hunting license could shoot two niggers that year. Well the hunter paid no attention to it and went on with his business. Later on at the sporting goods store the cashier asked if he had shot his two niggers yet. The man paid no attention to it again and left the store headed for the field. As he was driving down the road he noticed a group of niggers picking watermelons in a field. He thought to himself what the hell it's only a couple of niggers. So he stopped got out of his truck, took aim shot twice and nailed two of the niggers. All of the sudden here came the game warden with his lights and sirens on. And the hunter thought oh shit what have I done. The game warden got out of his truck and said what the fuck do you think you are doing. So the hunter explained what he had been told and the game warden said you can shoot two niggers with a valid hunting license but not over a baited field.

Why do niggers wear white gloves?
So they don't bite off their fingers when they're eating Tootsie Rolls!

Why are black men hung better then white men?
Because little white boys had toys to play with!

What do nigger pimps and farmers have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business!

Why do niggers keep their fists closed when making the "black power" sign?
If they held out an open palm, they'd fall out of the trees!

What do you call sex with a black man?

What do you call a nigger with no arms?

Why does the Hartz Mountain Tick Collar come in flourescent colors?
So coons can wear costume jewelery, too!

Why don't niggers take aspirin?
Because it's white, it works, and they're too proud to pick the cotton out of the bottle!

What do you call a white woman who dates a black man?
Color blind!

Why do black women have such big purses?
To carry their lipstick.

What's a black mermaid?
A carp with tits.

There's a nigger, a Canadian and an American on top of one of the sears towers. The American says to the nigger, "I bet you I can jump off of here and hit the wind current just right - floating softly to the ground." The nigger looks amazed at the American. "I dont be leave it sucka, ya fuckin wit me aint ya?" the nigger says. So the American says, "Ok, Ill prove it to you." The American leaps off the building and floats all the way down. Once down, he runs all the way up the stairs to the Canadian and the nigger. "See, I told ya nigger... now you give it a try." "Otay," the nigger says as he leaps off the building. "SPLAT!" the nigger is splattered all over the side walk. The Canadian looks over at the American and says "You know Superman, sometimes you can be pretty mean."

Why was the nigger acquitted of the rape charge on the grounds of temporary insanity?
Because when he got an erection, there was no blood left to flow to his brain!

What do niggers and sperm have in common?
Only one in two million work!

What do you say to Mike Tyson with no arms or legs?

A little yellow chinaman was standing by the sea one day skipping flat stones across the water. As each stone skipped across the water it made the sound, "chin - chang - chung". The chinaman did this several times, "chin - chang - chung, chin - chang - chung". As the chinaman was skipping these stones, a nigger came up and asked him "Yo, li'l yello-man, Wha'dup? Wha' you doin' wit' dem stones?" The chinaman replied, "I using these stones to find my ancestors, my father chin, my grandfather chang, and my great-grandfather chung."
The nigger thought a little and said, "Think I could do dat 2?" The chinaman told the nigger to try. The nigger picked up an rock and threw it into the water - "Kersplash" was the sound it made.
"No, No, you do it wrong!" said the chinaman, "you must skip the stone." Then the china man proceeded to demonstrate, "chin - chang - chung".
The nigger said, "I see how yer doin' it now. Le'me try again." He picked up another flat stone and flung it into the water. It skipped across the water magnificently and as it did it made the sound, "Chim - pan - Zee".
The now infuriated nigger ran over to a large boulder, picked it up and slammed it onto the ground making a thunderous "BAB-BOON!!!!!!!!" sound that echoed for miles!

Why do decent white folk shop at nigger yard sales?
To get all their stuff back, of course!

Do you know why flies have wings?
So they can beat the niggers to the watermelons.
So they can get away from the niggers.

Why did the nigger run when his girlfriend said she wanted to give him a blowjob?
He was afraid it would cancel his unemployment benefits.

What do you call three niggers sitting in a garden?

What's the difference between a pothole and a nigger?
You'd swerve to avoid a pothole, wouldn't you?

How do you get twelve niggers in a Volkswagon?
Toss a welfare check in the back seat.

How do you get 400 niggers in a Ford Escort?
I don't know, but they figure it out.

What do you call three blacks at a skinhead barbeque?
Kentucy Fried Nigger

How do you make a nigger nervous?
Take him to an auction.

Did you hear about Evil Kneivel's cousin, Ku Klux Knieval?
He tried to jump over 50 niggers - With a Steamroller.

Two flies were having a race across a nigger's lips. After each had won one race, they decided to run a tie breaker. Panting, the one fly reached the finish line, only to discover his friend had already arrived with time to spare. "How did you do that?" he inquired. "I took a shortcut around his head."
What do you call 50,000 blacks in the bottom of the sea?
A good start.

Why don't niggers stick their heads out of moving vehicles?
Their lips catching the wind would beat them to death.

What do you call a black hitchiker?

What do you call two nigger motorcycle cops?
Chocolate CHiPs.

Why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
Because of the pubic hair on their heads.

Why don't sharks attack niggers?
They mistake them for whale shit.

How do you wipe out 250 ape families?
Blow up Kmart.

A nigger, a jew and a spic get shoved off a building at the same time- which one hits pavement first?
Who cares.

Whats the difference between nigger pussy and a bowling ball?
You can eat a bowling ball.

Why do niggers tint their car windows?
They don't, it's the black rubbing off.

There's three guys sitting around a campfire; a yuppie, a black man, and a cowboy. The yuppie is drinking Michelob, he jugs it down, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his pistol, shoots the bottle and says, "This is the Life!" The black man is drinking Miller, jugs it down, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his pistol, shoots the bottle and says, "Taste great!" The cowboy is drinking Old Milwaukee, he jugs it down, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his pistol, shoots the nigger in the head and says, "This is the way it was meant to be!!"

How do you get niggers out of your neighborhood?
Hide all the good cardboard boxes.

How do you get a nigger to commit suicide?
Toss a bucket of KFC into traffic.
End welfare.

Why do black girls dye their hair blonde and wear blue contacts?
So black men will date them.

What do you call a black frenchmen?
Jacques Custodian

A cowboy, an indian, and a black man are sitting at a bar. The indian turns to the black man and says, "We once were many but now we're few". the black man replies, "We once were few but now we're many". the cowbay over hears all this and says to the black man, " Thats because we haven't played cowboys and niggers yet".

How do you keep niggers out of your back yard?
Hang one in the front yard.

Why do blacks stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

Did you hear of the new Black Barbie?
It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check .

Whats Big, Long, Black and smelly?
The Welfare Line in Harlem.

Whats long and hard on a nigger?
The Fourth Grade.

How did the nigger break his leg raking the leaves?
He fell out of the tree.

What do you call a black woman who gets an abortion?
A member of Crimestoppers of America.

Whats the difference between a black and a snow tire?
A snow tire won't sing when you put chains on it.

What does PONTIAC stand for?

Why do niggers keep chickens in there backyard?
To teach there kids how to walk.

Why did The Nigger from Nation of Islam wear his nicest Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
Cuz if I'ma gonsta Be Impotent I wants to look Impotent.

A White man and a Black man are arguing about which race God belongs to. They argue about this for hours, and finally they decide to ask the heavens for the answer. The black looks upwards and asks: 'God, I gotta know. Is you Black or is you White?' The answer booms down from above. 'I AM WHAT I AM'. Vindicated, the Black man says: 'There, you see, I told you he was a brother.' 'Not so,' replies the White. 'If he was Black, he would have said "I IS WHAT I IS".

Did you hear the NFL is switching to green balls next year?
Have you ever heard of a nigger dropping a watermelon?

What do you call a nigger with an IQ of 15?

What do you call a nigger with an IQ of 150?

Why don't niggers put Oder Eaters in their shoes?
Because it makes them dissapear!

What's the difference between a truckload of watermelons and a truckload of nigger babies?
You cant unload a truckload of watermelons with a pitchfork!

What's black and red, wears a high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door?
A nigger with a spear through his head!

How do we know that Adam and Eve were not black?
Have you ever tried to take a rib away from a nigger?

There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor.
A white family lives on the top floor.
A mexican family lives on the second floor
A nigger family lives on the botom floor.
At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building,
totally destroying it. Which family lived?

The White family because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.

Two Georgia State Troopers are on duty watching for speeding truckers on the interstate. These 2 troopers hate truckers. They become bored and pull in behind a truck. The driver is hauling a load of bowling balls. He gets nervous with the cops behind him and pulls off onto a side street to see if the troopers will follow. On the side street, a little nigger kid standing in the street with a bicycle stops the truck to ask for a ride. The driver says OK, but you have to get in the trailer in back. The little nigger and his bike are now in the trailer. The driver says to himself, Well those troopers have gone by now, I'll get back on the highway. After a few minutes on the highway the troopers pull in behind the truck and stops him. The troopers give the driver a real hard time, they check his license, log book, etc. The troopers start to get back in their car when one says to the other, "We didn't check out the trailer, maybe we should." The one trooper says to the other, "OK, I'll take care of it." He goes back to the driver and tells him he wants the trailer doors opened. The driver thinks to himself, Now I'm really in trouble, they're going to think I kidnapped that little nigger kid.

The trooper opens the trailer door to look in and slams it shut quickly! The trooper is all pale and shaken and starts screaming to the trucker, "Go NOW!, Get out of my city! Get out of my county! Get out of my state! GO NOW!" When the trooper returns to his car the other trooper asks, " whast wrong? You look pale and your shaking, why didn't we harras that trucker some more?" The shaken trooper said," That truck was carrying a load of nigger eggs, one done hatched and stole a bicycle!!!!!!"

What the most confusing day in the nigger neighborhood?
Fathers Day

What is the American dream?
All the niggers go back to Africa with a Jew under each arm!
A ship sinks and the only survivors are a Russian, a Jamaican, a skinhead and a nigger. At sea for days, they finally come within sight of land. The Russian opens a hidden bottle of Stoli vodka, takes one swig and throws the remainder of the bottle into the water much to the other passangers dismay. The Russian explains that where he comes from, there is plenty of Stoli, it is worth nothing and means nothing. The Jamaican then procceds to light a huge blunt, takes one hit, and then throw the remainder to sea explaining, 'Mon, in my country we have plenty of marijuanna, it is worth nothing, means nothing.' So then the White man from New Jersey throws the nigger into the water!

What qualifies as good behavior in a Harlem school?
Raising your hand before you pop a cap in the teacher.

What happens every time a nigger gets an abortion?
Crime Stoppers sends her a check for $500.

What do you call a nigger at a skinhead rally?
A soon to be ex-nigger.

What do you say to a black man in uniform?
"I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."

What is a nigger's favorite anti-perspirant?

How can you spot a Black masochist?
He's the one working for a living.

Hear about the black version of "Shogun"?
It's called "Shonuff".

What do poor nigger kids use instead of Play-Doh ?
Fresh dog shit.

Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
You put it on the front of your car.

How do you get a black kid to take a shower?
Open a fire hydrant, and start selling crack on the other side.

How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?
He promised to create jobs for them if elected.

Hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
It comes in a spray can.

What's the difference between good nigger kids and bad nigger kids?
Good nigger kids are in medium security prisons.

How do you starve a nigger?
Hide the food stamps and welfare checks under a bar of soap.

What is the most common form of transportation in Harlem?

Did you hear about the nigger and the Mexican who opened a restaurant?
It's called Nacho Mama.

What do you call 100 parachuting niggers?

Why did all the blacks die in Vietnam?
When the sergent said "Get down!", they got up and started dancing.

What did the black kid get for Christmas?
My bike.

What do you call a black-midget in Ireland?
A lepra-coon.

What are the six words you never ever want to hear?
"Hi, I be yo' new neighbor."

How is transportation being improved in Harlem?
They're planting the trees closer together.

Why do blacks call white people "honkies"?
That's the last noise they hear before the white people run them over.

How was break dancing invented?
By black kids stealing hubcaps from moving cars.

Why does California have so many fags and New York have so many niggers?
California had first choice.

What do you call a white guy surrounded by three blacks?
A victim.
Twenty blacks?
200 blacks?

What is the difference between a "RAP" group's manager and a proctologist?
A proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time.

What's green and pink and purple and orange?
A nigger dressed for church.

What is the New York State motto?
Eat, Drink and be Merry, for tomorrow you may be killed by a nigger in Central park."

What do you say to a nigger in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."

Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving.?
Kentucky Fried Chicken isn't open on holidays.

Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
He kept waking up twice a week.

What do niggers say during foreplay?
"If you scream, bitch, I'll kill you!"

If Tarzan and Jane were black, what would Cheetah be?
The brains of the outfit.

What is eight miles long and has an I.Q. of 68?
The "Martin Luther King Day" parade.

How do you stop five niggers from raping a white woman?
Throw them a basketball.

What's the first thing taught in a Harlem driving school?
How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.

Why aren't there any sandboxes in Harlem?
Cats keep trying to bury the baby niggers.

Hear about the new perfume for black women?
It's called "Eau de doo dah day."

Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit?
They heard there were no jobs there.

What is white yet has a black asshole?
The Washington D.C. Mayor's office.

What does cotton have in common with noses?
Niggers are good at picking both.

What do you call a conversation betwen Jesse Jackson and James Brown?

Why was the wheelbarrow invented?
To teach Niggers to walk on their hind legs.

What is printed on all African products?
"Untouched by human hands."

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
Skid marks in front of the dog.

How many niggers does it take to roof a building?
Ten, if you slice them thin enough.

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