I am the author of the Mortal Words Book Series, and it has been my hope for some time that you might honor me by placing these books on the famous Index Librorum Prohibitorum (Index of Prohibited Books). While you may agree with some of the things I have written, I am certain that you will find substantial portions which are filthy, perverted and thoroughly abominable -- qualifications which would make my books outstanding choices for the Index. I realize that the Index has been inactive for some time, since there are now far too many books for the Church to recommend for those who wish to sin; but since I am taking the work out of censorship by recommending my own books, perhaps you could make an exception, thereby providing me with the opportunity to join Copernicus, Galileo and so many other great men whose works have also appeared on the Index. In fact, if you would like to officially burn my works, I will be more than happy to supply you with copies of each, providing only that you will send me some photos of the event which are suitable for use as advertising copy.
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